Dating as a mirror: who are you really looking for?
Online dating seems simple. Install the app https://www.sofiadate.com/dating-advice/can-you-fall-in-love-after-one-date, upload a photo, write a couple of sentences about yourself, swipe - and here you have dozens of profiles. It would seem that nothing could be simpler? But after a few weeks (and sometimes months) an amazing feeling sets in: fatigue.
Why, despite doing everything right, does that very “click” not happen? Why do dialogues end in nothing? Why do people disappear? Or, conversely, why do you lose interest in them?
The answer may be unexpected: because in dating you encounter not others - but yourself.
Dating is not about the profile
The profile is just a door. The real begins behind it: in intonation, in words, in pauses, in the ability to be a living person, and not a perfectly put-together version of yourself. And that's exactly what's difficult.
We're afraid of seeming boring, not interesting enough, weird. We try to make an impression, to guess expectations, to be "suitable". And then we wonder why the conversation doesn't work out.
But how can intimacy arise if you don't let the other person see the real you?
Mistakes that almost everyone makes
We look for "the one" too quickly. From the first dialogue - dreams, hopes, expectations. And then - disappointment if the person doesn't live up to the fantasy.
We get stuck in patterns. "What are you into?", "How was your day?" - safe, but boring. We're afraid to be original, but it's liveliness and honesty that catches people's attention.
We compare everyone with the "standard". Sometimes a wonderful person is simply not like the previous partner. Or vice versa - too similar. And we lose the chance for something new.
We're afraid of rejection. That's why we keep quiet, drag it out, play. And dating loves the brave — those who write, talk, and confess.
What really works?
- Honesty. Not a game of “who’s cooler,” but a calm story about yourself.
- Interest. Genuine. Not just “how are you?” but “what inspires you?”, “what do you dream about?”
- Respect. Even if it’s not yours — thank them, say goodbye, let them go.
- Openness. People can tell when you’re not just practicing a dialogue, but want to get to know the other person.
And yes — sometimes it matches. Completely by accident. You open a message, read — and suddenly you realize: this person is not like others. There’s no game in him. He’s just real. And it’s easy for you. And you want more.
That’s the main thing. Not butterflies. Not perfect photos. But this calm: “You can be yourself with him.”
A little bit about the important
Dating is not just finding a partner. It’s training. It’s a path. It's an opportunity to grow. And sometimes, a way to love yourself more. Because you choose over and over again not to "be convenient," but to be alive.
You learn to let go. You learn to speak. You learn to see - not an image, but a person. And that's priceless.
And finally
If you feel like dating is an endless stream of dialogues leading nowhere, then... you're almost there. Because it's after fatigue and disappointment that the real thing comes. When you no longer try to seem like you are, but simply are. And you meet someone who sees this - and stays.